Attempt 2. Buy wayyyy too many clothes. You're welcome, JCrew. Nice to meet you again, Gilt. You suckered me in with your 20% coupon. Though buying more clothes also means that I don't have to do laundry as often. And this is very good, as I ran into a snake in my garage the last time I went to do laundry.
Attempt 3. Change Tinder profile tagline: "Super passionate about helping animals, traveling, and afternoon naps." Hopefully this screams "someone please cuddle with me!" without seeming horribly desperate. Hopefully.
